katarzynaradzka

My brain has turned to mush. It was all going well, but when someone gives you bad news about someone, a tragedy, everything that you were working on, thinking about disappears and you’re left with only one thing on your mind. The bad news. Even though I don’t know the person, I can’t help but feel sad. How do you get rid of it especially when you want to have a productive writing day?

Free writing about it helps. It gets everything out. At least for a moment words flow onto the page, it’s better than staring at a blank one, believe me. No one likes bad news, my external reactions are usually emotionless but inside it feels like something is being ripped apart. I’ve noticed a lot of tragedy and hardship in Poland. Young and old people suffer. It’s sad. It makes me feel like I don’t have control over anything. Right now I feel like crying. Why is there so much tragedy and how is someone supposed to stay an optimist?

Surfing the Internet doesn’t seem to help today. It’s such a time waster and even more so when you’ve got nothing in your brain but rocks. Hard rocks that are straining your emotions and your inner being but refuse to allow anything constructive to emerge. This is just making me feel worse that I’m not producing any writing.

Music. I tried that but ended up putting Eva Cassidy on, it brings up memories that are happy/sad at the same time. So that only adds to the block as old memories emerge that I’d rather not think about too often. Sinatra doesn’t seem to help either, but it’s a little bit more happy type music. Usually my writing flows if I listen to them while writing but right now, nothing.

Comfort food is my next option. But I’ve just had breakfast (two soft boiled eggs and radish, 500ml water) and eating more just isn’t a good idea because I’m not hungry. Grandma just made some poppy seed biscuits. Doesn’t really do it for me. Not a cake or cookie person unless it’s got lots of chocolate.

Bang my head against the table. Kills to many brain cells so that’s not going to happen.

I just want the words to start flowing again so I can send out some queries. The ideas are in front of me, most of them spelled out so clearly that all I need to do is check some facts, edit the query and send it out to a magazine that might be interested once they see it. But nope, nothing is happening.

What is a writer to do?

Send a text message to boyfriend who’s at work and complain to him about my problems. Not that he wants to hear it, non writers don’t get it, but maybe he’ll sympathise. The past month he’s been writing his dissertation every night till one or two am, so maybe. Nope. He’s response, don’t write and a smiley. Mm, maybe a small break.

Still nothing. Is this what writers block feels like?

Exercise usually works wonders. Usually. Today I’m not so certain, especially when ‘Love and Marriage’ plays in the background. This is so sad. I don’t know what to get started on. Even as I read the words on the page (computer screen or hard copy) nothing makes sense.

I think I’ve hit burn out mode.

Meditation. I lie down on the floor, stretching out my legs and arms, adding an extra few centimetres to my medium frame. I close my eyes and start to breath. Really breath. Deep, feeling the air enter my lungs, stay their for a moment, than release. Yes, that feels much better. I repeat this for about ten minutes trying to clear my mind. That’s a little bit better. I find it difficult to lie still and do nothing difficult.

Exercise. Shadow boxing, skipping, running on the spot, free weights, push ups, crunches. A bit of everything to get the heart pumping. Doing it for long enough works wonders. One or two minutes isn’t enough, ten or twenty however clears the mind and gives a fresh perspective.

Fantastic. I’m ready to start writing again. Slowly. Time passed? 1 hour.

What do you do when no matter what you try nothing gets your brain working?

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